Take up the space. Dominate the conversation.

Talk. And Talk. And Talk.

Early in my career I joined a mentoring program for people working in Human Resources. I had moved to a new city and had a new job in a global company, and most of the time I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing.

When I look back I can see that wasn’t true. I had good instincts, common sense and could work things out in a practical way. But I joined that mentoring program to learn from people who had “been there, done that” and could help me when I had questions.

I had been part of a mentoring program when I was studying business and human resource management at university. My mentor took me to his company sites, included me in meetings and asked my opinion on people issues. It was an awesome experience, and I learnt a lot.

This new city, new job mentoring program? Not so much.

I was paired with a Human Resources Leader at a well-known organisation. I was pretty excited. It was the kind of organisation I would like to work for one day. But the experience was disappointing. He just talked at me. Gave me advice I didn’t ask for. Gave me advice I didn’t need. Didn’t listen. Didn’t ask me any questions. I didn’t organise the second mentoring meeting.

It was the start of me noticing that Senior Leaders (#notallseniorleaders 🙄) often seem to feel they have been anointed by a sparkly wand which has given them permission to talk. About everything they know. About things they don’t know. Just talk.

Give their views. Talk over people. Say the “right” things, not the true things. Take up the space. Dominate the conversation. Talk. And Talk. And Talk. The opposite of inclusive.

Learning to be a coach was an epiphany for me.

Learning to be curious. Learning to ask good questions. Learning to listen carefully. Learning to reflect on what people were telling me. Learning to challenge. Learning to share.

I’m part of two women’s mentoring programs now, as part of giving back and supporting others in their career. The Protégé Business Mentoring program, and the Australasian Rail Association Women in Rail Mentoring Program.

Both these programs have been a great chance for me to:

- Not repeat that awful mentoring experience for my mentees,

- Practice coaching skills, and

- Learn from others.

More than anything, I have become a much better coach.

Have you had a great or terrible mentoring experience?

Lisa xx