Just. Stop. It.
(Nike has a lot to answer for).
Usually when I travel I try to cram in lots of meetings with lots of potential clients. I usually organise some sort of event too.
This last trip I didn’t have lots of time, the timing wasn’t great (just before Easter) and honestly I just wanted to connect with some nice people. I had dinner two nights with friends, caught up with a previous employee who I was able to be a referee for a new job (she got it that day!), and someone who I have worked with previously.
All of it was delightful, and I didn’t come home exhausted. Winning!
One of the dinners was with a funny, warm, energetic, self-deprecating and overall lovely human. The kind of human who gives you energy. Walking back to her house after dinner to have “tea” got waylaid into another wine at her favourite bar. Again, winning!
Anyhoo, something that stuck with me was her asking for advice on her work. Now I’m not any kind of expert in the world she works in, but I do consider myself an expert in women’s careers at work.
She told me her job is very busy and she was working ALL the hours. Getting to the office first. Still there while everyone has left. Takes work home every night, and works on the weekend. And guess what? She’s exhausted. And her husband ain’t happy 😳
“Who is asking you to do all the work?” I said. She thought hard on that one, but couldn’t come up with a good answer. Well…..no one as it turns out. In fact her manager is telling her to stop working all the hours.
“Do you need a more junior person working with you?” I asked. No she said. It’s work she has to do. A more junior person couldn’t do it.
“What else have you tried?” I asked. Just working more hours was the answer.
I have been here myself, and maybe in reading this you see yourself too? I have also had lots of experience coaching women in this situation, and here’s what I have learnt:
Somewhere along the way women have been conditioned to work really hard, perform well, and do ALL the work (at our job, AND at home)
We wait for someone to notice how good we are for that promotion
Perfection is the only way to be
The results of this?
Exhaustion and burnout
Resentment
Leaving the workforce
After a few coaching questions at dinner, I decided that as I was being asked for advice, I would give it.
The advice?
Just. Stop. It. (The opposite of Nike “Just Do It”)
Stop getting to work early. Stop staying late. Stop working at night. Stop working on the weekends.
Now I get this is easier said than done, but here’s the thing. When you do this, it helps you prioritise the actual important things you should be working on, rather than trying to do all the things. Most jobs I have worked in have an infinite amount of work. The work never ends. I have also been involved in many many restructures and redundances where the catch cry is we have to “do more with less”. What fucking rubbish this is.
We can’t live that way. Just stop it.
So if this is you, working all the hours and feeling exhausted and burnt out, just try working normal human hours for a week or two, and notice what happens.
Let me know how it goes. Want some coaching? Or advice? Let’s chat.
Lisa xx